Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
