so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
