Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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