she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
