He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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