Four minutes until I can fart!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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