One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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