I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
