I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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