I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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