don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
