tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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