Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
