wrigley field is MILF paradise
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
