who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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