i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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