Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
