when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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