the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
