Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
