I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
