as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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