My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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