you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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