Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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