I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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