never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
