Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy