I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?