Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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