I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men