I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
