I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.