my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
