You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
