that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There are leaves in my underwear?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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