just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
