He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
