I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
