so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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