...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
