No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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