i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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