my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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