Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
