So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the day after is always just damage control
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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