i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
