what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
