I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
