Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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