Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
