i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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