I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
