I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
