I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
