so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
