never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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