i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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