he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
