dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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