Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
