Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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