Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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