i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
