My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
