yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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