im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
